A Life Well Lived

Jonathan Dangerous, author of this blog, was laid to rest on Wednesday, June 30, 2010. Born on December 14, 1997, he was eleven-and-a-half years young. Extremely rare in cats, he had advanced cutaneous hemangiosarcoma, cancer of the lining of the blood vessels.

Depending on the company he kept or the severity of the act he had done, he was known as JD, John, JohnJohn, Jonathan, JDamn, and JDarn.

Jonathan Dangerous was born in New York City into a large litter of kittens, who found home in the Union Square Petco’s no-kill shelter. At eight weeks old, he and his brother, Archibald, were adopted by their mother, Ann, who was required to adopt two kittens.

She had no problem selecting these two kittens: all of the cats were asleep in their crate and John and Archy were in the litter box, fiercely duking it out. The kitten was named Jonathan Dangerous as he fancied himself a superhero who could fly, especially after climbing atop something high, but who was actually more dangerous to himself than any criminal.

The boys moved to a 1^st story, railroad apartment in Washington Heights, where they enjoyed chasing ballpoint pens up and down the hallway. Most notably, Jonathan and his brother were responsible for scaring away a home intruder while their mother slept. As the burglar came in the hall window, the boys ran into their Moms’ bed and woke her up. Annoyed, she loudly began to sing, “I’m looking over my dead dog Rover!” and the noise startled the intruder.

During his lifetime,Jonathan was a New England cat and lived in Washington Heights, Hell’s Kitchen, and Queens, New York; Boston and Norwood, Massachusetts; New Haven and Milford, Connecticut. He despised traveling but loved containers of all kind, especially the boxes that accompanied each move.

A portly cat, Jonathan’s highest weight was 21 pounds. Though he suffered from asthma and bad paw-eye coordination, John was always willing to give it a good college try when a mouse or other critter appeared. Working in concert with his brother, who would usually bop the critter over the head, John would proudly trot to his Moms to provide the bounty to the family.

Jonathan welcomed his Dads, Chad, into the family. As the child of a single mom, he and Archy were thrilled to have a male influence in their lives. The boys were the first to inspect and approve the engagement ring before Dads proposed to Moms.

An indoor cat, John was an avid fan of wildlife, and enjoyed watching squirrels, birds, chipmunks outside his picture window. In Norwood, he was known neighborhood wide for a two-hour stare down with a chubby pigeon during the height of a snowstorm.

Inspired by his brother’s work, John was also an entrepreneur. He was the proprietor of JDamn’s Juice Bar, a healthy beverage stand in WOB (Work Out Basement, founded by Archibald). Though the Bar mostly served whatever beverages were being stored in the basement, he was a keen marketer of the stock on hand and kept his client, Dads, very happy. John was also one of the first known cats to blog, sharing his adventures here from the perspective of a chubby cat.

An extremely handsome cat, Jonathan won two photo contests during his short life. He was the Cutest Pet at Stamford Hospital and the February 2010 Pet of the Month at Milford Animal Hospital, where he received his end-of-life care.

During the last year of his life, John welcomed his new brother, Nate, into his life. They became fast friends and he happily took Nate’s grabs, tugs, and yanks to be signs of affection.

His favorite toys included the blue sparkle ball; Smacky, a catnip filled squirrel; and his brother’s tail. He also enjoyed scratching his cheeks on sharp corners of books, tables, and furniture. His favorite foods included treats, potato chips, Fancy

Feast Elegant Medleys, and treats. In the litterbox, he was a super scooper, known to cover things for his brother and often got so into the zen of scooping that he would empty half the box on the floor.

This obituary serves as the final entry to a wonderful blog. Jonathan is survived by his Moms, Ann; his Dads, Chad; and his brothers, Archibald J. Cat, Esq. and Nate. He was one of the greatest cats to bless this Earth, and he will be sorely missed.

Trick or Treat!

Happy Halloween, everybody! I hope you had a delightfully tasty evening! I am happy to say that, since Nate arrived, Moms has abandoned her efforts to make me and Archy dress up for the big day. Thankfully, she has turned her efforts to Dads and my baby brother and makes them get all gussied up for the holiday.

For his first Halloween, Nate was Indiana Jones and Dads dressed up has Indy's father, Dr. Henry Walton Jones.
While I have never seen the Indiana Jones movie, I have helped Dads play the Indiana Jones Lego Playstation II game. I gotta say, Nate looked a lot like Lego Indy. Moms made Nate a whip out of duct tape and rope, and got him a pleather jacket from H&M. Moms also insisted on singing the Indiana Jones theme song wherever Nate went. (Du du du du, du du du....)
Admittedly, I don't understand this dressing up thing, but I did think Nate was pretty cute. That was until Moms thought it would be a good idea for me to get in on the action. See, apparently Indiana Jones comes across all sorts of ferocity on his adventures. So Moms thought it would be "cute" if Indy attacked a wild lion on his adventures.
Did I mention that I don't get this dressing up thing? I didn't want to play along. I mean, really - like Nate could conquer me. Look at us - I'm twice Nate's size! So I just played dead, hoping folks would leave me out of this. Eventually, they gave up trying to engage me when Nate asked to count up his Halloween booty.
Nate thought this was quite a haul. He got a Hershey's bar from Auntie Marcia and Uncle Greg, and a dollar bill that fell out of Dads' pocket when he was fumbling for the keys. My first instinct was to tell Nate that this stunk - he should have a pumpkin brimming over with treats. But then my protective big brother instincts took over. Why teach my super happy baby brother disappointment when I could spend that energy in getting myself some Halloween treats?

Let me backtrack for a moment here. Nate's started to eat. Yeah, he still drinks milk but he now also eats rice cereal, carrots, and apples. He chows them. He LOVES them. (Proof that he really is my brother.) Anyhow. Nate eats them sitting in a chair. When this change started to happen, I thought, "Oh! If you sit by the chair, you get vittles!" Apparently, not so. I sat by the chair for a long time. The only thing that happened was Moms taking a picture of me, and patting me on the head saying, "Aw! Isn't that cute? John's waiting to feed Nate."

For the record, I was not waiting to feed Nate. I was waiting to be fed. Anyhoo....

So Halloween rolled around and I thought, "Gee. My brother's been getting all this extra food and all Archy and me have been getting is our regular half can of wet food and kibbles. When do we get extra food?" So I decided to play a trick on Moms and Dads to get a treat. (Is that so bad?)

Moms was napping and I told Dads, "Gee. I'm starving. And it's Halloween! Might you feed us some Fancy Feast Elegant Medleys for the occasion?" (Though Moms got laid off, we're still having the good stuff for special events.) Dads said, "Right you are, John! A treat is in order!" And, voila! A half can of Fancy Feast Elegant Medleys appeared in each of our dinner dishes for me and Archy.

Well. Moms gets up from her nap and me and Archy run over to her, you know, to say, "HI!" And I say, "Gee, Moms! I'm starving! And it's Halloween! Might you feed us some Fancy Feast Elegant Medleys for the occasion?" And wouldn't you know it, SHE FELL FOR IT! So Archy and I got the good stuff TWICE! Moms and Dads only figured it out after Moms served us our second supper. It was great. Brilliant, even! I will have to try this trick again. Like tonight....

Hope your Halloween was filled with only treats - or tricks that got you extra treats!

Your pal,
JohnJohn

Mews

Good morning, JohnJohn fans! Have you been at home, pining for me to share my vibrant words? Have you been hitting refresh every two seconds just to see if I posted my latest brilliant mewsings? Well. I have been silenced. BUT I SHALL BE SILENCED NO MORE!

If you recall, Moms and Dads had a tot and this tot requires a lot of things, mostly time. And diaper changes. (Dude. Litter box. Catch on to the trend....) But, apparently, the one thing that the tot needs most is care. He can't be left home alone like me and Archy. He has to be stared at, and held, and changed, and HAND FED. Which got me to thinking, Archy and I got the short end of the stick here. I mean, really, had I known that hand feeding, 24/7 holding, and rocking chair rocking was even a remote possibility, I would have been putting my demands on the table much, much sooner. Apparently, though, my new demands are not heard through the giggles of my brother, Nate. (I will admit. They are cute.)

Anyhow. The care of Nate. So, ever since Nate showed up, Moms has been at home. ALL THE TIME. At first, it cramped my style but once I realized that I slept through most of it, I found I didn't care. But then all of a sudden, everyone became a bundle of nerves because MOMS WAS GOING BACK TO WORK and someone had to care for the baby. (Archy and I offered but Dads mumbled something about us sleeping 20 hours a day.) So they shipped Nate off to something called Day Care. Moms and Dads worried about Nate all the time and stared at him every night asking, "Natie Pie? Are you hap-hap-happy!?!" to which he would only giggle and I was all, "Folks. He naps there, right? Trust me. He doesn't remember a thing."

Then Moms made a new friend, Auntie Katie, who made her feel much better about the day care thing. Auntie Katie also has a blogeroo called Confessions of a Young Married Couple (and I'm giving her a HOLLA! here because if I giver her a HOLLA! then I can enter to win an iPod video thingy on her blog and, boy, would that make my waking hours tres exciting! Auntie Katie has dogs but I looked at one of them and really, I'm much bigger, so I'm ok with the dog thing.)

Archy and I were willing to do our part. Ok. Moms and Dads were stressed out. Ok. We only asked for dinner five times instead of our usual ten. Archy only pooed outside of the box once a week instead of his normal three. But after being back at work for two weeks, Moms' job got eliminated and WHAMMO!, she's home again. ALL THE TIME. It also means that Nate is here too. ALL. THE. TIME.

This called for a family meeting because, apparently, when Moms went to "work," she brought home MONEY. A lot more money than the cost of day care. So Moms not getting paid anymore is going to affect all of us. For me and Archy, this means that Fancy Feast Elegant Medleys are off our menu for a long time. And the regular Fancy Feast meals? Well. Dads still wants us to eat them, but Moms said we'll have to revisit that soon. The really good news is that cat litter is NOT getting cut from the grocery menu.

But this layoff thing also means that Moms can take more of my dictations. She can take my picture more for the blog. She can help me upload my video of the baby deer that now lives in our backyard. She can help me straighten my right eyebrow, which has gone totally askew and kind of curls back into my eyeball. And she can hold my paw and help me get over my fear of Nate jumping in that jumperoo thing. Folks. The jumperoo thing is loud, fierce, and scary. Very. Very. Scary.

So, JDamn fans. That's the mews of this week. I'll be posting again soon with my dear deer video (Ha ha ha! I crack myself up!). Until then, I wish you restful, wheeze-free naps.

Your pal,
JohnJohn

Sleep Training

I know. I promised everyone that this wouldn't turn into a blog about my brother Nate but wait! This blog entry is about how I, Jonathan Dangerous, helped my baby brother. And trust me, I am a miracle worker.

So. This is Nate. He is my baby brother. He is almost 4 months old. He has "friends," like Sophie the Giraffe and a star that squeaks. How a star can be a friend, I don't know, but Nate's pretty positive that the star is one of his tippy top friends.
Being a baby, Nate doesn't know much. He knows how to pee, poo, and drink milk. Recently, he also learned how to coo, caa, and squeal. Oh, and he naps. Little naps. Two hours here, three hours there. Seeing as I sleep 20-22 hours a day, I didn't realize that Nate wasn't a champion sleeper like me (guess I slept through it all).

About three weeks ago, when I was scratching my cheeks on the corner of a nice book, I decided to read the title. It said "The Secrets of the Baby Whisperer" and had a post-it note that read, "Kerri said this got her babe to sleep through the night!" The next book I scratched my cheeks on was called "Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child," with a note from Moms that read, "Dammit! Why won't Nate sleep through the night?" The last book I scratched my cheeks on was called, "Bed Timing." Mom didn't even bother to put a post-it note on this one; it just had dried exhaustion drool on it. I started to think there was a pattern in these book themes....but what was it?

I ruminated on these titles during my 18 hour nap, woke up and shouted, "Eureka! Nate needs my help! I can teach him the way of the super long nap! WOOH!"

Nate was in the romper room, playing on his quilt with his Hawaiian chicken, Moa. I mosied over to him and said, "Hey, Nate!" After we established eye contact, I continued, "I heard you don't sleep for a very long time?"

Nate said, "What is time?"

I said, "I don't know, but clearly you don't either. Look. You're driving Moms and Dads nuts. Up and down, up and down all the time at night! There's another way! Let me show you the way of the super long nap!"

Nate started to do his happy, excited dance.
I continued, "Nate. The Nap. It is an artform, it is a skill, it is a necessity. To begin to find the strength of the super long nap, you must be comfortable."

Nate agreed. He said, "Yeah. I love my glow-in-the-dark superhero pajamas. Do you know how to spell pajamas? It's P-A-J-A-M-A-S PAJAMAS. I know this because Mom sings it to me like Gwen Stefani sings BANANAS? Do you know how to spell bananas? It's..."

I cut him off. "FOCUS. Sleeping." Nate nodded. "Get comfortable. Find yourself a nice squishy spot in the house to snuggle in."
Nate said, "I can't! That's a suffocation hazard! HAZARD!"

I said, "Oh. Ok. Find a nice, firm surface and lie down on your side."
Nate said, "I can't. I'm supposed to sleep on my back."

I began to yawn. This "helping my baby brother" thing is *exhausting.* "Ok. Fine. So no squishy surfaces, no sleeping on your side. Sleep on your back in a confined, firm, safe place? How about the laundry basket?"
Nate said, "HEY! That looks like my crib. Except there are no jungle animals. Where are the jungle animals? Where is my mobile? WHERE DID MY FRIENDS GO?"

Good Lord. "NATE! Focus. Sleeping." Nate nodded. "Ok. When you get in your laundry basket, close your eyes and think sleepy thoughts. Count kibbles in your head." Nate started to protest. "Oh. I forgot. You can't count. Ok. Think about kibbles - happy, happy kibbles. Then think about treats! And catnip! The thoughts will be so happy that you won't want to leave them and so you'll just stay in your happy sleepy place for a really long time. Try it tonight, ok?"

Nate nodded. Exhausted, I went to start my next super long nap. When I woke up the next morning, Moms was ecstatic! She was running around saying, "NATE SLEPT FOR 11 1/2 HOURS! IT'S 7:30 IN THE MORNING AND NATE JUST WOKE UP FOR THE FIRST TIME!" She then said, "I got up at 2:30 and 4:30 and 5:30 just to see if he was still breathing." Silly Moms. Doesn't she know that the super long nap means you sleep for a super long time? Honestly.

I didn't tell Moms that it was me who taught Nate this new trick. I figure it's my gift to her, seeing as she rescued me and Archy from the Petco 11 1/2 years ago and all.... Nate's been sleeping through the night for three weeks now, except for those few days when he was teething, but that's another story.

Moms and Dads - I am available for Skype conference calls with your tots to share my methodology and provide you with the most restful night of sleep you've ever had. Call my agent/lawyer/brother, Archy, to negotiate the fee.

Your friend,
The Miracle Worker - JohnJohn

Fur and No Fur

Hi, JDarn fans!!! For a while now, I've been hacking up furballs. Well. It is summer and that is the traditional time for a cat to shed fur. Being a portly cat, I have a lot of fur to shed and, obsessed with being clean, I've ingested a lot of that fur. I've gotten creative with my furball hacking. Sometimes I leave it on the carpet, sometimes on the wood floor. Sometimes I leave it in the pathway to the kitchen where Moms will step in it in the middle of the night and sometimes I am polite and leave it on the paper covering the floor in the now-gutted dining room.

Regardless of how much (or how little) Moms brushes me, I still hack up the furballs. Additionally, I've taken to licking my stomach. First it started as a dare from Archy Cat. He said, "Hey, John. Bet you can't lick your stomach." And I said, "Oh yeah? Why? Because I'm portly?" And Archy said, "No. Just BECAUSE." Well. Such an inane response made me mad so I said, "Oh yeah? WATCH." And I licked my belly. It's now become an obsession. I like to lick it ALL THE TIME. Even some of the fur has fallen out. What gives?

I got worried about my bald belly a few weeks ago, and started licking my belly in front of Moms and Dads to, you know, alert them to the problem and see if I could get them to order me some Rogaine. Instead, Dads jumped to the extreme and said, "Oh dear. We need to take John to the VET."

Holy crap. The VET. No. I was hoping to get some over-the-counter hair growth medicine but instead Dads talking about putting me in the CAR! and taking me to the vet. So I stopped licking my belly and looked up at Dads. He said, "Yes. The VET." Then he launched into a huge lecture about my brother Nate and how he goes to the baby vet every two months and gets poked every time and I'm like, "I DO NOT CARE. I have to go to the catpartment. NOW."

Friday night, everyone went to bed. I stayed up and roamed the house. Lo and behold - a fabulous mauve colored cat cave had appeared in the romper room! What a perfect place to nestle in and sleep! Well. The sun came up, which brought Saturday (also known as Caturday around here). Dads woke up, came downstairs and saw me in the cat cave and said, "Good boy, John!" He then LOCKED ME IN. Dammit. It was the cat carrier.

Dads took me to the vet. There was swatting, hissing and growling in the car, at the vet, and on the way home. At the vet, I got weighed. I am a svelt 19 pounds. Dads asked the vet if I needed to lose more weight. She said, "Well. He's a big boy. He's ok." I liked this lady. Just a little bit though.

Dads then told her about my furball hacking and my tummy licking. GUESS WHAT, EVERYBODY?!? I have a tummy ache! A perpetual tummy ache! And she said that I have something in common with my little brother Nate! See, Nate sucks on things to self-soothe. Apparently, I lick my tummy to self-soothe too! The solution? Well. I'm on medicine now. For at least three months. What kind of medicine, you ask? That's right. I've become the new Kitty Activia spokesperson, because I now have a three month prescription for it. It goes in my food. I eat it and my tummy feels better, I guess. Sing it with me now, folks..."Act-tiv-eeee-AHHHH!"

The end.

Your pal,
JohnJohn

Fans - I AM BACK!

Fans - I AM BACK! It is me, JohnJohn and boy, do I have stories to tell! Lots has happened since my last blog entry. The biggest change is that our raccoon, Bandit, isn't a boy. Bandit is a girl. And Bandit has five babies. They are so cute. They run around our yard, tumbling over each other and eat lots and lots of corn and kibble from the critter kibbler. I don't have any pictures of them because they only come out to play at night but believe me - they're so cute that you want to eat them. We also got baby turkeys. They're little mouthfuls of beauty.
Oh, my Moms had a baby too. Remember that bump in her stomach that I used to rest my head on? The thing that was in there came out. We didn't know if it was going to be a boy thing or a girl thing. I pulled Dads aside one day before the tot arrived and told him that I was worried it would be a girl thing. I told him girl things were eewy and icky. Then Dads told me something I did not know: Moms is a girl thing. MOMS IS A GIRL. I just thought she was my Moms. After I learned that, I said a girl thing would be ok.

Well. The tot came out and it was a boy. HURRAH FOR A BOY! Moms and Dads were in the hospital for a whole week. First the tot did not want to come out, so the doctors had to make it come out. Then Moms got wicked sick after the baby came out, so she had to stay there to get better. (Don't worry, Moms is ok now.) Then the tot came home. By the way, the tot has a name. It is Nathan Robert - Nathan because they liked the name and Robert because that is my Hawaiian Bampy's name.

Anyhow, we call him Nate. So. Nate came home. Do you know what Nate does? He makes noise. He sleeps in short bursts and in weird positions, like the "don't shoot" position. See?
All this noise and lack of prolonged sleep for everyone in the household made all of us tired. When Nate sleeps, he does look peaceful. So, when Nate was napping, Archy thought he would too - and he'd try out Nate's sleeping position while he was at it.
Archy reported that this position is not conducive to a cat's body and can cause painful joints when arising. So much for trying things Nate's way.

Anyhow. This tot - I mean, my little brother Nate - can't do much. He can holler and sleep (we've covered that already) but folks - he can't poo or pee in the litterbox. Instead, he wears something called a diaper. (Gross.) He can't bathe himself. Instead, he has to wait for Moms and Dads to put him in the EVIL BATHTUB on a special day designated as "Bath Day." He doesn't eat kibbles or wet food or treats or random bugs that got into the house. Instead, he drinks milk. No chewing. Just drinking. I hear that I'm supposed to like milk but Moms and Dads won't let me try it because some vet said that it will give me some sort of condition that will make me need to wear a pamper and eewie I do not want to wear a pamper thank you very much.

Nate can sometimes be cute though. This one day, he called me over. He said, "Hey, JohnJohn! I want to petchew and give you snuggles!"
Not being someone to pass up a good snuggle, I went over to sniff Nate. (Thankfully, his diaper was clean.) I didn't let him touch me though - we're still working on trust issues - so Nate said, "JohnJohn! Do you want to dance? Let's dance!"
The kid started to dance around and giggle. He was kind of cute until, well, he shook himself up too much and tossed his cookies.
I don't ever want to hear Moms and Dads complain about my furballs again because this kid throws up - A LOT. Ok. So he doesn't throw up that much anymore, but in the beginning, his vomiting could only be described as spectacular.

I have come to like my brother. (We're still working on love.) I can be fiercely protective of him though. He has this funny seat that he gets chained into and Moms had to leave him alone in it while she went to the bathroom. WELL. I don't know much but I don't think babies should ever be left alone. So I turned on my laser vision (in case I had to take someone down) and watched the bambino as he slept. Luckily, I did not need to take anyone down.
JDamn fans, I want to reassure you that this blog will not become the "Blog of Nate." He can go get his own blog if he wants one. I still have grand adventures and have lots of stories about our wildlife's adventures too. But I did feel obligated to write about my new brother's arrival. And, ok. He's cute. And I kinda love him.

That being said, there will also be some stories about Nate on this blog so I'll leave you with this teaser about my next entry. There once was my brother Nate and a lobstah....Your pal, JD

PS - If you are Auntie Pam, email Moms and tell her what your new email address is, ok? OK!

Nom Nom Nom

Holla for me, JDarn fans! This is my 100th blog entry! WOOH! Who knew that an eleven-year-old chubby cat would have so much to say. I'm so glad you've joined me today to read this very special entry. Well, all my entries are special but this one - this one raises the roof...literally!

To start the story, I need you to put on your wayback hat. Here is a picture of my pal, Bandit, who, by the way, has been visiting just about every night. Bandit enjoys partaking in sunflower seeds from the squirrel hut that my Uncle Blaine, Aunt Patty, and cousin Mac bought for me for Christmas.

It's a wicked nice squirrel hut but everyone got sassy with it after it was installed for a while. The squirrels figured out how to remove the roof (it was just set on there), so Dads outsmarted them by tying a tight knot that prevented anyone without thumbs from lifting the roof off. When Dads tied the knot, me and Archy applauded him. Dads was "wicked smaht" to solve the problem without resorting to barbed wire or electrocution.

The knot kept the peace. Even Bandit didn't bother with the roof, though he did sometimes scratch his cheeks on the corners. (That has to feel wicked good!) But the squirrel hut started attracting some troublemaker squirrels. See, everyone wanted to eat out of it at the same time and, while Dads gives plenty of squirrel sunflower seeds for everyone to eat in peace, some monkey squirrels wanted to be assertive and make it their territory. One morning, Dads caught a squirrel standing up and peeing on the squirrel hut. PEEING ON THE SQUIRREL HUT.

The peeing squirrel made the porch smell gamey, and he bossed around the other squirrels. With Archy's help, Dads delivered the peeing squirrel a cease and desist notice, telling him that he was no longer welcome on our porch. The squirrel nattered something at Dads, shook his little squirrel fist, and ran off. While unnerving, we all thought the situatation was resolved. Little did we know that it was just the beginning.

At dusk over the weekend, Dads stumbled down to the kitchen, exhausted from a day of construction in the baby's nursery. He looked out the picture window and rubbed his eyes. He looked again. He was shocked. The peeing, cease-and-desist squirrel was back, noshing on the knot to the roof off the squirrel kibble hut. He had chewed through the whole rope. The roof fell off and the peeing squirrel helped himself to food, head first.

Sure, the kibbler was empty, but it was the rude, blatant act of defiance that got under Dads' skin. Then the peeing squirrel had the nerve to show Dads his tushy. RUDE!He then got a little stuck in the kibbler, which made Dads giggle, but he got out ok.A hoodlum friend showed up to investigate. Once he realized that the roof had been razed, he cheered.
Dads ran out of sunflower seeds, and it's been raining lots, so it's just been empty like this for a few days. Dads said he's doing it to punish peeing squirrel but I hope he fills it up soon because staring at an empty squirrel hut does not entertain a cat.

In other news, me and Archy have taken on additional responsibilities for our impending baby brother or sister. The doctors put Moms on bedrest because she's having swelling in only one leg (two legs are ok, one leg is not so good), so she doesn't go to work anymore. She just lays down in bed and we snuggle all day long. I make sure to lie down on any magazine she's trying to read or to keep the remote controls toasty warm under my belly. I am such a good helperbee!!!

JD - OUT!

Update

Hi everybody! It's me, John John! My buddy Bandit the Raccoon has been back to visit our porch a few times since the original video posting. Yes. He is coming out in the daylight, but it's later in the day (around 6) and he's always come over to ask for sunflower seeds. The four of us (me, Moms, Dads and Archy) put our heads together and decided that Bandit isn't rabid - he's just hungry.

Moms and Dads got pretty close to Bandit and snapped a few pictures of him. Here he is, trying to get sunflower seeds out of the hut that my Uncle Blaine bought me for Christmas.

Moms said that she was "close enough" to Bandit. I told her that I could get closer. She said, "No you can't. You will scare him away." I said, "Nuh-uh. I can get closer than you. Moms. Double dare me to do it." So she double dared me and then I proved to her that I was right. See?

Unfortunately, when I put on my bossy pants to prove Moms wrong, Bandit saw me. We got into a staring match. Both of us were a little nervous. I mean, it was the first time that we'd ever locked eyes. Ultimately Bandit humped his way back down the pole and walked along on his merry way. He doesn't seem to run. We don't know why. I've added Bandit to my list of outside, on-the-other-side-of-the-glass friends. We're pals.

In other news, Moms' baby bump is getting bigger. When I snuggle Moms' belly, the tot kicks me a lot...so Moms says. I've never felt it. She said it's because I have good cheek chubb. Moms' baby bump is bigger than Dads' head. See?

Apparently, the tot is coming "soon." Moms said there are two weeks and five days until her "due date." I asked what that means and Dads explained it's like an expiration date. I guess her belly will go bad and spit out the baby. I don't understand, but all I know is that I'm supposed to be practicing being a big brother.

Aloha from J-Darn, the future big brother cat.

Rabies (No. Not Mine.)

Once upon a time, Moms came home from work. When Moms pulled into the driveway, I was waking up from my afternoon nap. Usually, when Moms comes home, she gets out of the car, comes inside, and feeds me. This time, she didn't. Instead, Moms sat in the car, screaming on the phone to Dads, "WHERE ARE YOU? ARE YOU ALMOST HOME!?! HURRY UP!" Dads said he was almost home; in fact, he was walking from the train station to his car and would be there any minute. Dads then said, "Why?"

I could hear Moms, still locked in the car, scream, "THERE IS A RACCOON ON THE PORCH. A RACCOON!!!"

You might be saying to yourself, "A harmless, cute, adorable, squishy raccoon? What is Moms freaking out about?" Well, apparently, if a raccoon is seen during daylight, it likely has rabies. The raccoon was also blocking Moms' ability to get in to the house.

Dads got all worried. I could hear Dads screaming, "STAY RIGHT THERE! DO NOT GET OUT OF THE CAR! I WILL BE HOME PRONTO!"

As it so happens, Moms had her digital camera with her, which takes crappy video. So she whipped it out of her purse and taped the raccoon (named Bandit) lest anyone not believe her.

There are three movies. The first one is here. When she got home, the raccoon was on the porch. By the time she got the camera out, Bandit had wandered over to the woodpeckers' suet brick. Even though he could be wicked sick, we all think he's wicked cute. I think it's the chubb that I'm attracted to.

As Moms sat in the car waiting for Dads, Bandit wandered back up onto the porch. Look at how he humps the porch to climb up to the corn cob! At this point, I'd wandered into the romper room....see if you can find me in the video. I'm the extremely bewildered one behind the safety glass.

Bandit chowed for a while...and then Dads pulled into the driveway and Bandit ran as far away as possible.

Dads never did see the raccoon. Moms is wicked glad that she took this video so we could prove to Dads that Bandit exists. He hasn't been back, though last night, when Moms went to the bathroom, the motion sensor lights were on. She didn't see a critter out there, but we both suspect that it was Bandit...or the deer that have been visiting and munching Moms' tulips....but that's a story for another time.

Your pal, JD.

Update

Moms updated her tumtum flip book. Click here to see how she and the tot grows.

I'll write soon, I promise. Moms is sick. She has a cold or something. It makes her sound like a coughing frog.

JD-OUT!

A Story from the Godfather Kitty

Greetings, everyone. It is me, JohnJohn the Godfather. From my puffy kitty nest, I guard the top of the stairs. No one may go past the stairs until you listen to my entire story, or until I fall asleep (whichever comes first). My friends, here is the story you must listen to so that you may pass.

Once upon a time, Moms and Dads had a baby shower. My Mam and Auntie Nikki in Maine threw the party for the tot. My Mam and Bamp live wicked far north in Maine and there's lots and lots of snow. This is the view from my Mam's dining room window. Where is the outside? I do not know. It cannot be seen!

This is the view from my Mam's kitchen. Can you see the outside? I do not think so!
Since it was a party, there needed to be chilled drinks. So they stuck the drinks in the snow bank outside on the kitchen porch. Auntie Nikki calls this a "redneck refrigerator."
And because it was a party, there had to be balloons. There wasn't enough helium for all the balloons to float on their own, so my Dads, who was the decoration committee, used his head (literally) to make them float. He blew up the balloons, rubbed them on his head to create static cling, and stuck them to the rafters. They stayed up there for the entire party.

There was cake. Lots of it and lots of different kinds. This one is a diaper cake. The tot will apparently have to wear these until it's old enough to go in the litterbox.

Auntie Nikki also made a party cake. It was three tiers of cake goodness. Each tier was a different cake and frosting flavor. It was a jungle cake.

LOOK OUT FOR THE ALLIGATOR!

After rubbing balloons on his head and looking at the cake, Dads ran wicked far away to Uncle Dale's house for boy activities like riding sleds attached to the back of snowmobiles and playing the Whee! Moms stayed behind for the girl festival. There was only one boy there - Moms' nephew Cameron. He's 18 months old. He didn't know that this was a girl party.

Here's all the girls who came to the party. There were a lot of them.

There were sticky tots at the party, too. So that they didn't get bored, there were party favors for them - baby chicks! That's my kind of party favor! Here is Aubrey giving the newborn chick a kiss. I wish I was giving the chickie a kiss.

After all the girls left, Dads came back and Moms asked Auntie Nikki to take their picture together, because we have no pictures of Moms and Dads together with Moms pregnant. They got the giggles during the picture because Dads said that they'll tell the tot that this is their wedding picture. (I don't get it.)

Then Moms and Dads came home with a sleigh of stuff for the tot and lots of boxes and bags for me and Archy to play in. We played so hard that we fell asleep touching each other. Moms had the nerve to take a picture of me and Archy (kind of) snuggling. Note that Archy is hogging the blanket. Ok, he's not really - but he has more blanket than me and that's not really fair.

K. That's my story. You can pass now.

Your pal,

JD-OUT!