Presents!

Hi, everybody!

A really long time ago (three years ago next week, to be exact), Moms and Dads got married. When they got hitched, they got presents, and those presents came in boxes! BOXES! I LOVE BOXES! Here I am in a Crate and Barrel box. Crate and Barrel makes great boxes.Well. Did you know that when you get a tot, people also give you presents? They do! It's true! The first present arrived this week. It is this thing that you put the tot in and push it around. They said it's called a stroller, intended to help people stroll with tots.

Auntie Chris, Uncle Dale, and Dylan and Cameron gave Moms and Dads the pushie thing. It also came with something called a car seat. I recently learned that tots do not go in cat carriers when they go in the car and, apparently, tots go in the car a lot. Moms and Dads said that the tot will go everywhere with them, and won't be left home alone like me and Archy. I guess the tot is not as self sufficient as me and my brother. I mean, come on, Archy has Esq. at the end of his name, and I sometimes manage Work Out Basement! Moms and Dads even said that the tot won't know how to go to the litterbox for nearly three years! The baby sounds behind the times already.

The stroller and tot seat came to our house, and Dads put it together. He learned that assembling tot stuff is not like assembling cat stuff. There are lots of parts and instructions come in English, Spanish and Italian. Dads put the pusher part together first. A half-hour after starting to assemble the stroller, Dads made it look like the picture on the box. Here he is, proud that he figured out how to put together the pushy thing.Then Dads realized the car seat thing has to be assembled, too. It didn't look too hard. The car seat came in a plastic bag, and only had two parts and a rod. How hard could that be? Well, it wasn't hard. Dads figured out how to get the car seat rod in the pushy thing, and easily got the sitting thing in the pushy thing. See? Dads got the sitty thing in there real nice. He was so proud.Unfortunately, after this picture was taken, Dads couldn't get the sitty thing out of the pushy thing. He pulled and yanked on the sitty thing so much that Moms said the imaginary tot got whiplash five times over. So, they pulled out the instructions (in English, Spanish, and Italian) to try to figure out where they went wrong. After reading it a lot, they figured out how to safely release the imaginary tot and its sitty thing from the pushy thing. I think Moms and Dads need to practice more before the tot actually comes because they might screw up the tot if they forget where that release thingy is located.

But the most exciting part of the gift was the box. It was so big that our refrigerator could fit inside of it. It's like a gigantic tunnel - it's HUGE! When I am in it, my purrs echo.

Moms and Dads said that the box is a present for me and Archy. As big brothers, we will need to show the tot how to play, and this box is for us to practice play time in. Moms asked Dads to cut holes in it so that we can play "Sparkle Ball Surprise" in the box, and I've already requested daily catnip deliveries so that I can roll around and smell wicked good. Dads put the box in the romper room out back, away from the pellet stove in the living room, so that it does not catch fire.

Moms and Dads are going to a shower this weekend. A tot shower. No water is involved; apparently they "shower" you with stuff for the tot. I hope that the stuff comes in boxes and that they give the boxes to me. I am going to make a wicked large fort and call it "Johnny's World." If you want to visit, I will charge you admission.

Your pal,
JD!

Helperbee

Hi, folks!

We're back at it - the home improvement game is ON! When we first bought this house, Moms and Dads turned this mauvy beast of a room into a ray of sunshine. Here's the "before" picture....
...and here's the "after" picture. See? Pretty sunshine yellow.Well, this sunshiney room has been selected as the "nursery." That is apparently where the tot will live. Moms and Dads never painted the radiator (pronounced "rad-ee-ate-or" in the cat world), so Dads built this wicked cool radiator cover for it. In order for it to fit, he had to rip off the baseboard and the windowsill. (Radiator cover not shown yet.)When he ripped off the baseboard on one side of the room, all of the baseboard started to come up. It was like pulling a loop off an afghan. Anyway, it's all up and we've discovered that the baseboard is original to our 1942 house. That's not drywall under there, folks. We think it's plaster or something more ancient than that. Anyway, with the unraveled baseboard, Dads is now going to town on moulding. We even bought a book. I think it's called "Introduction to Moulding."

Now that I'm going to be a big brother, there's apparently a family expectation that I will help more. Unfortunately, I got caught sleeping on the job.

I caught heck for that so Moms and Dads told me that I had to hold baseboard in place. I told them that I'm just a kitten -- an eleven year old kitten -- and a kitten needs his rest. So they said I could hold the baseboard in place while resting in my puffy kitty nest. I thought it was a pretty fair compromise so I obliged.

Then I said, "Hey, where's Archy?" Moms and Dads explained to me that I was better at the brawny stuff, and Archy will be contributing to the baby's wellbeing by teaching him or her math or classical music. Whatever. Baseboard is fine with me.

More pictures to come.

Purrs and kisses from JD!

Snow Day

Squirrel Chalet closed today due to snow.

Must hunker in my bunker to stay warm!

JD-OUT!

Mom's Flip Book

4 months (16 weeks)

5 months (20 weeks)5 1/2 months (22 weeks)

6 months (24 weeks)

6 1/2 months (26 weeks)
(She didn't shrink - Uncle Steven just took the picture at a weird angle.)

27 weeks

7 months (28 weeks)

29 weeks

31 Weeks

32 weeks (8 months)

33 weeks

34 weeks (8 1/2 months)

35 weeks

(Moms and Dads celebrated by getting an IV for the occasion. Not fun.

And Archy and me got supper late, too!)

Nine months! (36 weeks)

37 weeks!

Look! Moms' belly is bigger than Dads' head!

38 weeks! Moms keeps saying things like, "Get out, baby!" and "I'm tired of this."

39 weeks. Can you see the baby?

10 months (40 weeks)!

The baby is officially cooked, but Moms' belly button hasn't popped yet,

like that red button on the Butterball turkey.

Maybe that's what has to happen before the baby decides to come out.

All this baby growing makes for one tired JohnJohn.

The Haps

Alooooooooha! It's me, JohnJohn. As you know, we've got a tot on the way. While we were rather upset when Moms and Dads broke the news, both Archy and me have come around to realize that it's not so bad to be big brothers. Role models. The big cheese. Since there's only eleven weeks (or less!) until the tot arrives, Archy and me have started helping Moms.

Moms lies down a lot. And when she's not at work, she naps nearly as much as we do! Archy felt he could support Moms in this endeavor, so he's taken to propping up her head when she watches teevee and crochets baby blankets.
I, on the other paw, have chosen to actually hold Moms' belly or, as I like to call it, the baby pod. Moms does not like the way she looks in this picture (she said to tell you that she had just taken a shower and the angle is weird and she doesn't really look this giant), but I am really proud of how I'm holding the tot here. So I begged and begged and Moms finally said I could post it on my blog. (It is MY blog, after all...)

After this, I fell asleep with my cheek on the baby pod. I don't remember any of this, but Moms told me that the baby put its feet up to my cheek and pushed against my head. I said that sounded rude, but Moms said that the baby was probably responding to my purring and was just saying hi. I thought that sounded nice.

In other news, Dads finally installed the Squirrel Chalet. My Uncle Blaine, Auntie Pattie and my cousin Mac bought it for me for Christmas. It holds a million pounds of sunflower seeds in it. It's brilliant. Ever since the Squirrel Chalet showed up, the squirrels don't know if they should eat from Uncle Daniel's corn kibbler or the chalet.

Anyhoo, Dads installed it like a week ago and, a few days after its installation, Moms noticed something funny when she left for work. One of the Cornys ripped the roof off the Squirrel Chalet and was in the kibbler, rump up, stuffing its cheeks to the gills, while another one of the Cornys turned his back in shame.

The new food option has been the source of a traffic jam. Lots of squirrels show up now, along with a raven, our naughty woodpecker (he makes Dads mad), and other birds. We've been thinking about installing a "take a ticket" system, like they have at the grocery store deli. Archy said that would be pointless, since squirrels can't read, but I still think it's a good idea.

Dads is home from work now, so I have to go. I need to convince him that Moms didn't feed me dinner and see if I can trick him into giving me second supper. (Every cat could use a second supper.)

Your pal, JD!

Where I've Been

Hi, everybody! It's me, Jonathan Dangerous! I have not blogged in a while because I have been very, very busy. First off, I am preparing to be a big brother. I hear it's a huge responsibility, so I have been practicing my duties. First and foremost, I need to be a helperbee to my Moms and Dads. To that end, I have helped them put together the nursery. My parents bought a grass green rug, and I have taken the liberty to roll all over to get the McLaughlin smell well imbedded in the rug. Moms and Dads also bought a giant leaf to hang over the crib. I wanted to make sure that the leaf provided ample shade and entertainment for the impending tot. Here I am, testing it out.
For some reason, Moms' photoshop software won't acknowledge that my glowing eyes are some bizarre form of red eye, so it can't be easily fixed. No need to worry folks. I'm not an alien. It's still me, John John.

All of this helping has made me extremely tired. (That's also why I haven't blogged in a while. My naps are a bit longer than usual.) The exhaustion has caused me to do erratic things. Lately, Dads has been filling up the bathroom sink for me to drink from. Archy is skinny enough to jump onto the sinktop, but I am too chubby, so I climb on the toilet seat lid and wait until Moms or Dads picks me up and puts me on the sink. Well, my lack of sleep got the best of me, and I was too tired to realize that part of me fell in the water.
Here's my precious tail, floating. While my fur is water repellent, it's not super water repellent, especially after been soaked in water for, oh, a minute or two....(Did I mention I was tired?)
In other news, there's a new outdoor cat. Dad named him (or her - we don't know) Cal because she/he/it is a calico cat. Cal enjoys sitting on our fallen tree and flirting with Dads. I'm turning a blind eye to this momentary infactuation, as long as Dads doesn't give Cal any of my kibbles, treats, wet food, toys, cardboard boxes, or catnip. Archy asked me to share that his investigation of Corny's death has become a cold case. Two things have contributed to this. #1: Corny defrosted, and some outdoor critter took him away. #2: Archy has been too busy to focus on the dead squirrel, as he has spent his waking hour doing Moms and Dads taxes. Even though he's using the automated TurboTax, Archy wants you to know that this is hard work. In addition to Esquire and WOB proprietor, he is very proud to announce that he is also a CPA and is available to do your taxes.

Your pal, Jonathan Dangerous

CSI: MILFORD

Hello, everyone. It tis I, Archibald J. Cat, Esq. I write to you on my brother's web log about a serious matter. Our neighbor's yard has become a crime scene. That's right, JDarn readers. It's CSI: MILFORD. This is our friend, Corny. I stand corrected: this WAS our friend, Corny. Corny was a squirrel. When we moved into our new house, he was a scrawny little thing. Thanks to Dads' fine cooking (pancakes, waffles), corn cobs, and suet bricks (pictured here), Corny quickly became a plump little critter.

When I say "plump," I am trying to be polite. While I have no photographic proof, Corny was fat. Possibly borderline obese. He really liked eating the treats and it showed. This winter, he had more than enough chubb stored up for the winter. When he ran, there was a bit of a tummy trail left in the snow. He loped a little bit slower than the other squirrels. He panted and sweat. (Ok. He didn't. But he should have.)

One week ago, Moms and Dads went to work. In our neighbor's yard, there were footprints. Squirrel footprints. Dramatic squirrel footprints. They started out in a straight line, then started wobbling, then went in a large spiral pattern and, at the end of the spiral, there lay Corny face down, tail up, dead in the snow. I was called in to investigate but, being an indoor cat, I was only able to do my surveilance through binoculars from the living room window. (I asked Dads to go put up caution tape and little mini orange cones but we couldn't find any that were made to scale.) Here is what I have surmised.

Though the patterns in the snow were dramatic, it does not appear that there was a perpetrator who attacked Corny. Only Corny's footprints were in the snow, and his body lay intact at the end of the spiral. Because there were also no footprints darting away from the crime scene, I do not think that a fox, squirrel, deer or other critter murdered our squirrely friend. THEREFORE, I have concluded that Corny had an obesity-induced heart attack. The snow patterns were very similar to those of a Mr. Fred Sanford during his numerous aortic palpitations, which were well documented on the television series "Sanford and Son." I would have liked to continue my investigation via binoculars but another snowstorm came by and covered up Corny. The snow recently melted and he was visible this morning, but it's snowing right now and he blends right in with the other icy lumps and bumps in the yard. My complete report, including possible autopsy (if I can convince Moms and Dads to bring him in the house), will need to wait until the spring.

Dads is considering a lower fat, higher fiber menu for our outdoor friends, but it's not really a topic that the "helpful" people at Home Depot want to discuss. Until that day, suet bricks and pancakes remain on the menu.

I wish you all good health and a good night.

Sincerely yours,
Archibald J. Cat, Esq.
Brother (or possible half-brother) to Jonathan Dangerous

Obamanaguration

In honor of tomorrow's Obamanauguration, I have decided that I will take a nap. I am full of hope that this will be the best nap I will have ever had. Even though Mr. President-Elect Obama has decided that a DOG will be the White House pet, I'm ok with it because he is a Hawaii boy and that is where my Moms and Hawaiian Bampy are from. Maybe I will take a nap on Moms' fluffy, fluffy robe. It's so soft and, well, fluffy. I might also take a nap on Archy's spot on the couch. We've been switching it up a little, and Archy's been sleeping where I do and I've been sleeping where Archy usually does. His snuggle spot is very comfortable, and offers a lot of support for my chubby body.In home improvement news, we've improved! After a ridiculously long wait, the non-ghetto surround for the pellet stove arrived at the pellet stove store. Dads went to the store to get it and they all bowed down to him because they didn't want him to hoot and holler about the wait.

Dads spent Saturday installing the surround. In the meantime, we've been living "in the ghetto." (I liked to sing the song..."in the ghhhhheeeetoooooo!" when I looked at the old pellet stove.) See, the surround that came with the pellet stove was too short to fill in the fireplace hole, so we had a gap that let in cold, cold air from the chimney. Dads tried wicked hard to fill it in until the new one came. See?

The new surround matches the rest of the pellet stove, and has a shiny metal border. It is no longer ghetto. It is nice.
When Dads installed the surround, there were a few curse words that were bantered about. Apparently, the screws are tiny and they kept falling in places that were hard to get them out of. It's ok, though. I just put on my "earmuffs" (covered my ears with my paws) until Moms told me to take them off, and Dads got the surround on eventually. If you're wondering where the pretty topiaries went to, they died. Ok. They didn't die at first, but they got attacked by spiders and Moms didn't want webs of spider babies in her house so she chucked them in the snow and then they died. So much for plants in our house.

For those who did not know, our computer operates on stinky Microsoft Vista. Moms has taken lots of video of us, our turkeys, our squirrels, and the like, but the video has been problematic and she cannot edit, rename or sometimes open the files. She learned today (between her naps) that it was due to Vista not being friends with RealTime video. So she uninstalled RealTime and, hopefully, I can share videos of all my pals with you soon.

Your pal,
Jonathan Dangerous

A long winter's nap

Hi JohnJohn fans! I have not blogged in a few days because I've been taking a long winter's nap. See, it's been wicked, wicked cold up here. The temperatures have reached the single digits at night (I can count them on my paws!) and the wind chill has pushed them into the negative numbers (I do not know how to count negative numbers on my paws...I do not want to lose a paw!). The cold makes me sleepy, and also pushed Archy and me into bizzaro land. Here I am, taking my nap where Archy usually sleeps, on top of the couch cushion. Aren't I cute?

I asked Archy to blog for me during my nap but, apparently, he napped too. Oddly enough, he napped where I usually do - right next to Moms.

Christmas is over until next December. I was a big helperbee when Moms un-decorated the tree. She finds it odd that I am not interested in the tree, ornaments or lights. (I learned my lesson about chewing on plugged in Christmas lights when I was a tot...did you know your tongue is wet and will cause you to get elect-ro-cuuuuuted if you lick the exposed wire that you made by chewing on the green cord?) However, I am extremely interested in the boxes that everything goes in. I was very concerned that this box, which holds the Christmas lights, would be taken hostage by some evil force, so I sat in it until Moms needed it. Actually, I just wanted the box but Moms tipped it so I fell out and then re-filled it with Christmas lights (instead of cat).

Hope you and yours are nice and toasty warm by a pellet stove or the Pacific Ocean or the Ala Wai Canal.

Your pal, Jonathan Dangerous

PS - There have been rumors from the folks at Yale that, yesterday, Moms' belly visibly moved during a meeting and while just standing around talking to people. I do not believe it. I know about the tot but, really, it can't move. If I had ten months to just be somewhere toasty, I'd just nap. Why would the tot move? This can't be a true rumor....