Cats are Kids, Too.

Moms and Dads get asked all the time by people, "When are you going to have kids?" Thankfully, they always respond, "We already have two kids. They are ten years old. And they're damn cute." They are, of course, speaking about me and my brother, Archibald Cat McLaughlin.

But then folks say, "No, the other kind of kids. The kind that take nine months to grow instead of the kind that come from Petco in Union Square." As we've rehearsed, they always say, "Oh, those kind of kids. Those are evil. We're not really sure about those."

Why, you may ask? I'll tell you why. Archy and I have met kids. Every time Arden comes over, she tries to have "Johnny" sightings. (Kind of like Ming Cho Lee sightings where Moms works only, well, different.) Arden tries to find me and, when she finds me, she whispers wicked loud, "I SEE JOHNNY CAT!" and then she tries to pet me. If she manages to touch me, she gets little girl cootie germs all over me and it takes me at least a week to lick them off.

Arden and her counterpart, Jack, are apparently things that fall into the "kids" category. As such, Archy and I are not interested. Lo and behold, photographic proof from Maine recently appeared confirming our fears -- the 9-month-to-grow type of kids and us kids do not mix.

Do you remember a long time ago when I posted a picture of a baby girl who was covered with kisses? Well, that girl (Marissa) can walk now. In fact, she can run. She can also grab cats.
This is Marissa with "her" cat, Tyson. At first, I thought for sure that Ty was choking on a furball and the tot was trying to help him. But then I learned from Moms and Dads that, no, Marissa was trying to hug Tyson which, yes, means that Ty is now covered with baby girl germs.
Apparently, Tyson kept coming back for more (so says her Moms) and so Marissa gave Tyson yet another hug. She also tried to make him throw up.
While Marissa may be smiling and is quite pleased with herself, I assure you that Tyson is in hell. Therefore, please stop asking my parents if they are going to have kids. They already have kids. Two of them. And we do not have baby cooties.

Cat Power!
JDamn - OUT.