Dad's the Man

As you may recall from my previous post, I was accused of being 23.3 pounds. Let me repeat, Twenty-Three-Point-Three Pounds. This was due to my "weigh in" at Dr. Vicki's office where I was kept in the carrier for Moms' and Dr. Vicki's "protection." Anyhow. There, I weighed 24.3 lbs, and both Dr. Vicki and Moms estimated the carrier to weigh one pound, so they did some fancy math and came up with 23.3 pounds.

When Moms told Dads that she estimated my manly pink carrier at one pound, he said, "No way, Jose. No way does that carrier weigh one pound." So, the next night, I thought the cat carrier would be a cosy place to sleep. Moms thought, "Hey, we'd better get JD's baseline weight on our home scale." So she locked me in the carrier and brought down our bathroom scale. She put me and the carrier on the scale and it weighed 25.3 pounds, a full pound heavier than at Dr. Vickie's house. Moms and Dads couldn't believe it, so they got Moms' three-pound dumbbell. Sure enough, the scale said 3.0 pounds. So. The home scale is accurate. Moms made some scrunchy face about it. I don't know why...

Then Dads took me out of the carrier and just weighed it. It was 4.5 lbs, not the one pound that Moms and Dr. Vickie "estimated." So, in twenty-four hours, I dropped two and a half pounds. That's ten percent of my body weight!!! I asked Dads if we could celebrate Man Style with lots of fatty treats and a beer for me to sniff, but then he talked about "healthy diet" and how Jared from Subway should be an inspiration to me. Then I asked if, instead, I could have some of those "just under two calorie treats" that Moms bought at Target. Dads said OK and gave me a handful; he just said, "Don't tell Moms." (Hope she doesn't read this blog.)

Moms found this cartoon online. Dads must have drawn it. It is just like me at five in the morning. I hope you enjoy it. I am available to do wake-up calls on the tel-ee-phone if you need one. (You do have to answer the phone and tell me what a cute kitty I am, along with paying me with handfuls of two-calorie treats.)

Jdamn-OUT!