I have been the manager of JDamn's Juice Bar since we started our first WOB branch in Fairfield. Thanks to the logo stylings of Auntie Pam (holla!), I had a steady stream of business from Dads of my delectible room temperature beverages including (when available) Coke, Diet Coke, Caffeine Free Diet Coke, and tap water. While I did not have fancy glasses to serve my beverages in, JDamn's Juice Bar offered the finest and, to my knowledge, the only place in WOB Fairfield where a patron could pick out his own beverage and use it to quench his thirst after a fabulous workout.
Last week, my brother came to me and said he had a tantilizing business proposition for me. In his conversation, he used the phrase "tantilizing" and "promotion." I had to hear more - I was hooked! We arranged a sit down meeting. Archy sat on one side of our catnip covered scratchy board and I laid aloof on the other side of it. (I was playing it "cool.")
Archy said, "I have noticed that, as of late, JDamn's Juice Bar has not had the same customer appeal as it did in our Fairfield branch."
I concurred. "True, Archibald. See, the Fairfield branch was a multi-purpose room. In addition to hosting WOB Fairfield, it also held our litterboxes, the washing and drying machines, and the shelves that held the food that couldn't fit upstairs. JDamn's Juice Bar has been severely damaged by Dads upstairs addition of a formalized pantry, which holds all the stuff that I used to sell."
"Right you are, Jonathan. Have you considered ever getting out of the juice bar business?"
I thought for a moment, gave a little asthmatic cough, and then said, "No, in fact the thought hadn't occurred to me. See, I'm only awake for about three hours a day, and I spend most of that time eating kibbles and cleaning my toes, so it doesn't leave much opportunity for reflection on important questions, such as the one you pose." (I then had to stop talking. I couldn't believe how professional I sounded!)
Archy handed me his new business card and said, "Jonathan, my responsibilities at WOB have expanded signficantly over this past week. After borrowing Moms computer, I realized that all of the tasks I do at WOB have a title attached to them, most begining with the letter C. Look at my card! It's teeming with titles!"
Archy then slid a folded piece of paper to me, over the scratchy board. "Jonathan, consider this job offer. Your juice bar's failure and my overwhelming success could make us the perfect pair."
Scribbled on the piece of paper was a new title for me. Payment? Archy will give me two of his treats every week. What a deal!
I said, "Archibald! Sign me up! I would love to join your team!"
Archy said, "That's great, Jonathan. I'm glad to have you as part of the WOB company. Regrettably, due to cutbacks, there's no opportunity to print you new business cards. Please amend your old cards to reflect your new position. Oh. And you will be reviewed at the end of sixty days. If you stink, you're out."
I didn't hear anything after he said, "That's great!" And check out my new business card!!!!
WOB is looking for a few new clients so I can begin to train in management. Until then, I will just have to practice my management prowess on Dads.
Your favorite Management Trainee,
JDamn - OUT!
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3 comments:
don't strain yourself exercising.
So when did Archy get his MBA?
Uncle Ron, My new job description does not entail actual exercise. In fact, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I just like my fancy pants title. I'll ask some questions later.
Auntie Pam, Archy has accomplished all of this without an advanced degree! However, he has begun investigating classes to get his B.S. in Business at the University of Phoenix online. He's not sure how he would complete the degree with his current nap schedule....
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