JDamn for Senate

Last night was a big night for me -- I was a write-in candidate for the U.S. Senate, representing the state of Massachusetts. I knew it would be a long stretch to win, especially against incumbent Senator Edward Kennedy. But I have ideas. I'm a great sleeper. I can run really, really fast. Plus, I have important legislation that needs to be passed. For instance, I believe every household should have Fancy Feast Elegant Medleys for dinner every night. Kitten Thirst should be eradicated; everyone should be allowed to drink from the sink whenever they please. Headrubs and tumtum scratches should no longer be considered "sometime" activites; they should be "all-the-time" activities. And puppies should go away.

I also believe that squirrels, chipmunks, bunnies, birds and cats can co-exist together in peace. I would like the chance to prove that by going outside, beyond my glass walls, and kissing each and every one of my animal friends on the nose. (And then maybe by also keeping them warm in my mouth.)

I regret to inform you, o my loyal friends, that my total vote count was one. That means that ONE OF MY PARENTS DID NOT VOTE FOR ME. Mom and Dad are protecting each other; neither will cop to their non-support of their chubby child. Believe me, though - I am not pleased. I will get to the bottom of this injustice. I was going to let them have it, but then I felt an overwhelming urge to take a nap. I woke up and had forgotten what I was going to say.

I am pleased, however, to share that my name did make it on television. On the ticker tape, running at the bottom of the Norwood Light Public Access channel, it briefly said, "One vote was cast for Jonathan Dangerous. Who the hell is Jonathan Dangerous?" Promptly after its appearance, all phones in the house disappeared and I was unable to call Norwood Light to give them a piece of my kitten mind.

It's never too late, however, and I am considering asking for a re-count. I'll let you know if there are any dramatic changes.

Later, I'll write about my eyebrows. They're back!

Purrs and furballs,
JDamn!