FOR SALE: Cosy, 1 1/2 Story Penthouse - Must See!

Hi, Jdamn fans! I write today about a fabulous real estate opportunity - just for you! The rumors are true, friends - Trump Fairfield is for sale. Why is it for sale? The McLaughlin's are movin' on up (I-95)...to Milford, that is! That's right, Moms and Dads bought a house. Or, more to the point, are in the middle of buying the house. They said something about being in the home inspector phase. That's usually when I ask someone to scratch me.

The conversation in our house lately pretty much sound like this:
Dads: "This is so exciting! We're buying a house!"
Moms: (Labored breathing. Slightly blacks out. Revives.) "This. Is. Not. Fun."
Dads: "But it's supposed to be fun, honey! Have fun!"
Moms: "THIS. IS. NOT. FUN."

I, however, think it is fun because this means that boxes are coming out and I'll have an overwhelming amount of places to scratch my cheeks. It's so exciting I sometimes have to take a moment to calm myself. Archy warned me about a car ride in our future but, really, all I heard was, "Blahblahblah car blahblahblah boxes." Then my inside voice said, "BOXES!" and couldn't stop chanting it until I fell asleep. (When I wake up, the chant begins again.)

So, you may ask yourself, why is Trump Fairfield for sale? One answer, my friends: It's in Fairfield. And, I, apparently, will be in Milford. (Archy's here. He wants me to ask how I'll get to Milford. One answer, my friend. BOXES!)

Let me show you the features of this house!

Here's Trump Fairfield during the construction phase, along with the master architecht and builder, Dads. This was during the construction and design phase, actually. Dads got his first power saw and didn't really know what all he could do with it. Once he figured out how to make this cute rectangular box, he realized this could be more than an apartment that was half the length of my rump: this could be Trump Fairfield.
In the above picture, note the solid scrap wood materials. Also note it's straight: no wobbling here! The early design also features two distinct sides for the placement of toys: an Archy and Johnny design, if you will.
Here's the finished product. Note the completed Archy and Johnny toy shelves, the lip around the top of the condo to prevent my squishy, squishy pillow from falling off and the extended length to allow for most of my body, excluding my tail. This penthouse features an unobstructed view of the flower box and the shrub outside. There are also amazing views of Chipper the Squirrel, but only if you have someone to do your outside bidding and leave nuts on the pic-i-nick table.

Disclosures: Trump Fairfield has no lead paint. There are no known plumbing problems because there is no plumbing. And there's no need for a radon test because it's got no rocks.

The fine print: In order to "own" Trump Fairfield, you must rent the house that Moms and Dads are currently renting. Trump Fairfield fits perfectly at the bottom of the stairs in said house; therefore, it cannot just be taken anywhere. And since it's got the word Fairfield in its name, it is inconceivable that it could be anywhere else but here. Rent of said house where Trump Fairfield is locataed could involve actual cash, though it is the advice of this counsel that a generous offer of kibbles, treats, wet food and tumtum scratches might be amenable. Any person passing a generous offer of the aforementioned items is an idiot. - Archibald C. McLaughlin, Esq.

Now. The price of Trump Fairfield? Make me an offer. May I suggest that your offer include more treats that kibbles and a pretty equal amount of wet food (topped with treats) and tumtum scratches. Send me a message and let's make a deal.

JDamn, real estate mogul, OUT!