Hi, JDamn! fans! Sorry I have been out of touch. It has been wicked busy here. Moms keeps bringing boxes home from school and I have been very busy scratching my cheeks on those really nice sharp corners. Archy, on the other hand, gets stressed out that "change" is going to happen and keeps relapsing with his eye herpes. (The doctor says it's due to stress.) So Moms and Dads keeps telling Archy, "Look, Archy! Moving is fun!" and he keeps freaking out and runs out of the room screaming, with one eye closed....

Anyhow. While Moms and Dads have been busy doing things like getting a home loan and getting home insurance, Archy and I have been working on the plans for the new Work Out Basement (WOB). In order to best serve our only customer (Dads), Archy and I came up with a survey, which we gave to him this morning. Since it is a shining example of best survey and management practices, I am taking this opportunity to share it with my JDamn! fans. If this survey makes you want to join WOB, you can email Archibald and he'll ask Dads if you can come over and play.

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Dear Dads,

We at Work Out Basement (WOB!) would like to thank you for your loyal patronage over the past year at our Fairfield location. We would like to take this opportunity to let you know that our Fairfield branch will be closing and will re-open at a more convenient location, in Milford, as soon as you and Moms move. We at WOB want you to know that our location placement is all about convenience, and all about wherever you and Moms take us and our stuff to.

We'd also like to take this opportunity to give you a survey so we can best assess your cat-isfaction, your current and future needs, and what improvements would be most appreciated and likely funded. Please take the next hour and a half to peruse this seven question survey and provide us with the answers before suppertime today.
Archibald Cat, Esq. - Manager
Jonathan Dangerous - Towel Boy & Juice Bar Entrepreneur

Question #1: What do you think of WOB?
A. It's great. It's the best gym I've ever been to.
B. I love it. The manager is amazing. He manages things well.
C. I love it. The towel boy is wicked cute and is wicked, wicked furry.
D. I've been looking at brochures for other gyms.
(Note: D is not an acceptable answer. If D is selected, your WOB membership may be in jeopardy.)

Question #2: We've noticed that sometimes you don't go to WOB. What are you doing when you aren't at WOB?
A. Scratching JD and Archibald .
B. Preparing a delectable breakfast for JD and Archibald.
C. Working on the plans for "Cat Town - Milford."
D. Looking at brochures for other gyms.
(Note: D is not an acceptable answer. If D is selected, your WOB membership may be in jeopardy.)

Question #3: What is your favorite amenity at WOB?
A. The two choices of workout equipment.
B. The limited channels on the workout teevee.
C. Heat, provided by the dryer.
D. The totally handsome manager and the wicked cute, chubby chubby juice bar guy.
(Note: D is the only acceptable answer. If A, B or C is selected, Management reserves the right to interpret this as sarcasm and your WOB membership may be in jeopardy.)

Question #4: What do you think of JDamn's Juice Bar!?
A. The logo is great. Auntie Pam should become a graphic designer.
B. I love the warm Diet Coke. It's a good thing the only beverage served is one that I like.
C. The juice bar guy is wicked, wicked cute. I just want to pick him up and snuggle him.
D. It's a great amenity. In fact, it's better than WOB itself.
(Note: JDamn's Juice Bar! staff has not done inventory in over a month. Yesterday, JDamn's Juice Bar! staff member went to the bar only to discover that a whole fridge pack of Diet Coke was gone. JDamn's Juice Bar! operates on an honor system. If you took it, you'd better pay for it in the Treat Jar, located near the beverage choice. If you took it and did not pay for it, JDamn's Juice Bar! staff will talk with WOB management to see if there's anything that can be done, you know, to suspend your WOB membership.)

Question #5: How are our towels?
A. They're great. The towels are always fluffy and pre-warmed.
B. It's the best amenity at WOB, equally as great as JDamn's Juice Bar! In fact, it's better than WOB itself.
C. I heart towels!!!
D. Not so great. They usually came from the hamper, smell stinky and covered with too much fur. It's also difficult to remove the towel boy from the towel since he's usually asleep on it.
(Note: D is not an acceptable answer. If D is selected, your WOB membership may be in jeopardy if the towel boy can convince management that this would be a perfectly appropriate thing to do.)

Question #6: What new equipment and amenities would you like to see at WOB?
A. A floor-to-ceiling cat condo/activity center.
B. Katnip Korner: A big bin filled with katnip, ala those ball pits that small people play in at fun parks.
C. Larger litterboxes.
D. A bigger teevee, a cable box, and upgraded workout equipment.
(Note: D is not an acceptable answer. If D is selected, you might find a special poo somewhere on the existing WOB workout equipment.)

Question #7: Will you continue your membership at WOB at our new Milford branch?
A. You bet. The manager is the best!
B. You bet. JDamn's Juice Bar and Towels are the best!
C. You bet. The manager is great and I love the kool kat who runs all of the ancilary operations.
D. You bet. I'll be there because I'll live there.
(Note: D is not an acceptable answer. This question is designed to make you choose sides. If you choose C, we'll understand that you're trying to "play fair," but WOB management and JDamn's Juice Bar and Furry Towels would really prefer if you said who you liked more.)

Thanks for taking the time to fill out this survey. Please bring this completed survey with you when you next visit WOB. WOB management and JDamn's Juice Bar and Furry Towels will review it and will eventually let you know if you said anything that jeopardizes your membership.

Purrs and furballs,
Archibald Cat, Esq., WOB Manager and Legal Counsel
Jonathan Dangerous aka JDamn!, Proprietor of JDamn's Juice Bar and Furry Towels