I Disagree.

Hi everybody! It's me, JohnJohn Fancy Pants McLaughlin. All last week, Moms told me that there was a fun "surprise" for me and Archy coming on Saturday. She said we were going to go to the surprise but would not tell us what it was. So, Archy and I went up to our catpartment and put on our thinking caps. Archy immediately said, "We're going to cooking school!" He then ran around really fast and found the Yale apron that Auntie Anne bought for Moms one year. He laid it out neatly on the floor and proceeded to flirt flop and rub his cat sniff all over it.

I thought cooking school would be fun, though I'm more of an eater than a cooker. But I got to thinking, "Why would Moms and Dads not tell us about a school?" If it was an educational activity, they'd certainly tell Archy because he is a bookworm...or, at least, he's a book cheek-scratcher. No. It had to be something more special than cooking school.

While Archy was making the apron all furry, I thunk. I thunk a lot. Suddenly, I knew where we were going. MOMS AND DADS WERE TAKING US TO SPACE CAMP! This was the answer to all my prayers. See, lately Moms and Dads have been busy and couldn't go to Dr. Vickie's house to get us our prescription kibbles. So I've been eating grocery store kibbles (but the diet kind) and I've kind of been eating my kibbles and Archy's kibbles so I've put on a little weight. So, by sending me to space, I will INSTANTLY(!!!) lose weight and will once again be Skinny Pants JohnJohn. I decided to not tell Archy that I'd figured it out because, at this point, he'd fallen asleep on the apron. So I closed my kitten eyes and dreamed about eating cat treats in space.

The big day arrives. It's Saturday, more familiarly known as Caturday. And we're ready! I was in my cat carrier, taking a nap, ready to go to Space Camp! On schedule, Moms shut the door and hollered for Dads to carry me down the stairs. Moms got Archy in the mini carrier and she carried him to the car. Moms got buckled in and Dads turned the car on. And then Moms said, "Yay! We're going to have fun!"

Archy nodded, and I could hear him chanting as he sat in the carrier on Moms' lap, "Cooking School! Cooking School! Vive la parmesan!" Since our carriers faced each other, I said, "Hey Archy. We're not going to cooking school. We're doing something waaaay better!" He said, "Cooking School! Cook-ing...what did you say? Not true. Why. Where do you think we're going?"

As I inhaled deeply to support my planned scream of SPACE CAMP!, I heard Moms say, "Chad, do you have their vet folder?" Archy looked at me. I looked at Archy. In an instant we knew we had been duped. WE WERE GOING TO SEE DR. VICKIE.

This is Dr. Vickie. She's really nice, as vets go. But, she is still a vet. And because she's a vet, she has her bossy doctor pants on. For some reason, whatever she says, Moms and Dads believe. And I don't agree with everything she says. But, at least, she says that I am cute. (True.)

Since I am not the most willing contestant on The Biggest Cat Loser, Moms and Dads have to put me in my cat carrier and in order to weigh me on Dr. Vickie's scale. The last time I got weighed there, me and the carrier weighed 25.4 lbs, which put me around 19 something pounds. This time, the scale lied and said I weigh 29.5 lbs in my carrier. It is not true. And this time, I had my puffy kitty nest and Smacky and my decapitated Hover Mouse in my carrier, and they add a lot of weight. When Dr. Vickie saw 29.5 lbs, she said, "Ohhhhhhh." Dads averted his eyes in shame and Moms screamed out, "WE'RE GOING ON A DIET!"

I thought everyone was over-reacting. I mean, why am I the chubby one and Archy's the super stick? I was ready to share my frustration with the world when I heard Dr. Vickie say, "You know, Archy could stand to lose some weight too." I ate my words (tasty!) and then smiled. I'm ok if we both have to suffer but when it's just me, it's stinky.

So the prescription? Prescription diet kibbles are back in the meal plan. For a minimum of six months! Archy is 17 lbs; his goal is 13 lbs. I have a 4 lb. weight loss goal too. Sucky but true.

In other critter news, Moms saw the whistlepig running weally weally fast across our neighbor's yard in the rain. She also had to stop her car to allow two girl turkeys to cross the road and she saw a dead deer on the road.

Kthxbai!

Dieting JDamn - OUT!