The Haps

Hi, Everybodies! I have not written in a while because Moms is my typerbee and she has not been here! Last week, Moms was in Nashville at a conference for fancy pants computer software that helps arts peoples sell tickets, and do marketing and fundraising. It was a also conference where cats were not allowed. It's ok - I declined to go anyway since it involved flying.

Moms stayed at the Gaylord Opryland Hotel. It was 52 acres of land under one roof, including a big greenhouse with a glass roof that had a river running through it. You could even take a boat tour! Auntie Clarissa told Moms that the greenhouse is kept within .3 degrees (that's "point three") of the exact temperature and humidity of "Hawaii" one year ago from each day. I say "Hawaii" because they talked about it like it was one big blob of land, not even touching the uniqueness of each of the islands. Honestly.

Anyway, Moms said it was neat, but the hotel was big, so Moms spent most of the time running to sessions. The conference gift was a pedometer. Everyone kept track of their steps all week and handed them in on the last day. The conference peoples added them up and figured out that, all told, the conference attendees walked 81% around the world. Seriously? I know computer software is wicked cool and all, but it cannot make you walk on water.

While Moms was gone, it was MANTOWN. It was a house full of us boys. Dads, Archy and me played lots of video games, made crazy crank calls to Peter across the street (when he picked up the phone, we'd woof like a dog....ok, Dads woofed like a dog) and Archy and me got Moms' entire side of the bed to share. Me, Archy and Dads kinda looked like this.

Yup. We were packed in the bed and it was great!

On Thursday night - k, actually, Friday morning at 2AM - Moms came home. She threw her luggage in the romper room and was wicked tired. She ran upstairs and went to hug Dads, even though he was sleeping. Dads was WICKED hot. Not handsome "hot," heat hot. He was so hot that he was smokin'! Moms poked him and said, "Dads. You have a fever. Lemme stick the stick in your mouth." Dads was grumpy and he said, "NOH. I am sleeping. Hi. Bye," and went back to sleep.

The next morning, Moms was still sleeping and Dads snuck out of the house to go to WORK. When he came home, he had a temperature of 103. All night long, he was wicked hot, but the next day, he was ok. He was also sounding like me without asthma meds. He couldn't breathe deep and had a funny, hacky cough. I( offered him some prednisone; he politely declined.) Saturday night, sure enough, Dads got the kooky fever again. Moms said, "That's IT! We're calling the doctor!"

On Sunday, they called the doctor. The doctor asked Dads funny questions like, "Have you been out of the country?" (No.) and "Have you been in a hospital lately?" (Dads works there but he does not poke patients.) Then the lady said, "You'd better get in here PRONTO." Dads asked what was wrong. The lady punted and said, "Oh, I do not know but you better put the pedal to the medal and get in here now." When Dads told that to Moms, she knew that the lady was LYING.

When they got to urgent care, Dads got asked lots more questions. Then he was taken into the hospital and they asked him even more questions. Finally, the doctor asked, "Do you have cats?" Dads said, "Yes. Two of the most handsome, fluffy, talented, and smart cats ever." (Oh. Moms just reported that Dads actually said, "Yes. Two wicked big ones." Whatever.) When Dads said that, the doctor got wicked excited and said, "Oh thank God! You have cat scratch fever! Phew! We all thought you had malaria." They gave Dads a prescription and a yellow piece of paper. They said, "Go to the big hospital STAT. Go to the ER and march past all the waiting people and get a lung x-ray. PRONTO!"

Dads came out of the urgent care place, puzzled. He told Moms he had cat scratch fever, but that I never scratched him. True - we snuggled, but I did not scratch him. So they drove to the ER and had his lungs photographed. Then Moms and Dads called urgent care and they said, "Well. We're scratching our heads here. You either have cat scratch fever or pneumonia. Either way, the drug you have fixes them both. See ya!"

Moms and Dads went home and read WebMD.com and they think Dads has pneumonia because the symptoms he had sound like it and it is CRAZY to think that I would scratch Dads. Moms got wicked scared, though, and cut my claws. She couldn't get Archy to sit still though.

Dads took a pill and now he is all better. He only has to take four pills to be super healthy again. It is great. Now we can play video games and stuff again, except Moms is back, so it's not exactly Mantown since she is a girl.

In other news, Bandit the Raccoon hurled Moms flower box off of the porch railing again while trying to pull the corn cob off the corn cob holder. Our turkeys have also returned, just to say "Hi!" and stop traffic on the road. And Chuck the Woodchuck has come awful close to the house - so close, that Dads almost ran out the door to hug him.

Wishing you feverless nights,

JDamn - OUT!