JDamn's Juice Bar

Hey, loyal J-Damn! readers. It's me, Johnny Danger - and I'm back. How Archy commandeered MY computer (ok, it's Moms and Dads but they let me use it, like, ALL the time...or sit on it, at least) is beyond me. Archy thinks he's so fancy pants because he has "invented" WOB, even though Dads bought all the equipment and lugged it down into the basement and set it all up. Archy also failed to mention that his gym doesn't have music - only the blah blah blah of news people telling you about NEW YORK traffic. In case you forget, we live in Connecticut - so how some backup on the Washington Heights bridge affects us, I don't know.

Anyhow, just in case you don't think I'm entrepreneurial, I'm here to announce the newly opened JDamn's Juice Bar! (Do you like my logo? My Auntie Pam made it for me. Auntie Pam works at the Jail...Yale School of Drama library. She can scratch her cheeks on a million books ALL DAY LONG, if she wanted to....) I offer juice and other liquids. I only offer the kinds of juice (and soda) that Moms and Dads store in the basement. If you want a cool drink of water after your workout, might I suggest going upstairs to the toilet bowl or drinking from the puddles of water lacing our basement due to our plumming problems (That's a whole other blog, folks. Warning - the puddles of water in the basement are laced with rusty cast iron. Did I mention that's a whole other blog entry???)

Since I don't have opposable thumbs, my Jdamn's Juice Bar patrons are responsible for opening their own drinks. They also have to go get them, since they're usually in a box that's too small for my curvy body. Also, you have to clean the glass (and go get a glass, if you want one) and empty the trash. But, for the privilege of hanging out at Jdamn's Juice Bar, you can pay me five kibbles, ten Temptation treats (hairball kind, please - it's that time of the year) and two tumtum scratches. I mean, really - what's more cool? Drinking at JDamn's Juice Bar or going upstairs to the "clean" kitchen to get yourself some "clean" water?

JDamn's Juice Bar is conveniently located in WOB, on that non-nasty couch that Archy may have mentioned. The beverages, that you may partake in for the aforementioned "fees," will be right next to me. If I'm asleep, I fully expect WOB members to partake in the honor system and leave my homages next to me (except for the tumtum scratches - you can bank those).

Need a testimonial? Dads says, "JDamn's Juice Bar is 'special.' It's really something you should try maybe once." Need I say more?

Juice Bar Out! - JDamn!

PS - Need some graphic design work done? Call Auntie Pam at Yale School of Drama. She'll hook you up.