I'm now officially a winner!

Hello, JDamn fans! I am here to officially report that, yes, I am a winner. Above, you see Exhibit A of my cuteness and brilliance.

When Moms and Dads got married, they got lots of presents from people all over the place. Lucky for all of us, the presents came in boxes and, in the boxes was lots and lots of wonderful packing material. When I say lots, I mean LOTS. So much that, when they put it on the floor, I got lost in there. Thankfully, Moms and Dads would come look for me (they said they knew where I was the whole time...something about rustling). Anyhow. This one time, Moms thought I was wicked cute in the packing material so she took this picture of me. It is entitled, "Where's Johnny"? (Keep looking if you don't see me. I'm in there.)

At Dads' hospital, they had a "cutest pet" contest. So he and Moms picked the Where's Johnny? photo and gave it the hospital people. Clearly they have good taste too. I WON THE CUTEST CAT CONTEST. When I received the news by phone, I made it clear that this was too small of an award to accept in person; in absentia or via satellite were the only options. So, Dad tightened his tie knot and proudly accepted my 1st Place ribbon from the hospital folks.

Here I am with my 1st place ribbon. Read it and weep.

But then I put on my compassionate hat and realized that Archy didn't get squat. If I was in the position where Archy won something, and I didn't get anything, I'd probably need a whole jumbo bag of treats to make myself happy again. So I called Dads at work and told him we need to do something nice for my brother; just leave it all to me. Dads said something about not being able to talk with a cat during work hours blah blah blah, so he hung up quick and I went about my plans.

Using bright pink ribbon and stencils from Moms craft bin, I made Archy a "Miss Congeniality" sash. When Moms and Dads came home, I pushed play on the stereo and it played trumpet fanfare. I marched toward Archy and said, "Archy, I have some news. I am a winner. I am THE winner. And, to prove it, Dads got a winner badge for me at work and they held a parade in Stamford. However, I want you to know that you're alright; it's just that you're not alright with a bag of po-ta-to chips. So, I present to you the official 'Miss Congeniality' prize. I hope you like it. I used scissors to make it. And I kinda ran with them. Anyway, here's your sash."

I put the sash around Archy's neck. He didn't say anything for a while. I think he was stunned. But then, it all went wrong. He started to growl. Then he ate his sash. Then he retired in the corner of the couch. I'm not sure he was pleased.

Does he look pleased?

Anyhow, I'm the winner. Feel free to continue your worship of me, JDamn!

Purrs and Winner Kisses,

JDamn - out!