I'm Grounded

Hi, everybody. I have so many stories to tell you but I am grounded. Moms said the only story I can tell is the one that got me into trouble, and then I have to say that I am sorry. I really want to blog today, so I guess I will tell the story, and I guess I will say I am sorry.

See, we have this Snow Village set up on our buffet (pronounced in the cat world as buff-it). Moms and Dads collect Department 56 Snow Village houses. They buy one a year, and have only been buying them for two years. Last year, Auntie Xandra got us a house, so then we had two and, this year, Moms and Dads found them at a discount store in Maine (they'd been through a fire...but the houses were fine!) so they bought two because they were 50% off. They have four houses: a New England lighthouse, a church, the Sunshine Daycare (don't know why they bought that one this year, because I can take care of myself just fine....), and the Pancake House.

The Pancake House is really neat. It has a windmill on it that goes around and around and around while little fake people enjoy fake pancakes. Me and Archy have always admired it from afar - well, that's what we told Moms and Dads. They knew that we'd been in the Snow Village a few times, mostly as the path to get to the back of the couch, because the snow was all packed down and the shrubs looked like a snow monster walked through it. (No monster. Just me and Archy.) They never knew that we secretly admired the Pancake House up close...until today.

Today is Moms and Dads cookie baking extravaganza. They were making stuff, but they ran out of ingredients, so Moms went to the grocery store. To prevent fire, she turned off the Snow Village so it wasn't all lit up and spinny with no one human monitoring it. When she came home, she must have tip-toed in, because she caught me and Archy in the Snow Village, "inspecting" the Pancake House. While she said "No-no, bad kitty!," she thought it was a kind of cute photo, so she grabbed her camera and sucked our soul.

I was kinda pissed that Moms caught us together in the Village. AND, it's Cat-urday! I do not want to have my picture taken!!! So I looked pretty grumpy in the picture. Well, Moms kept taking pictures and stuff and I got bored, so I figured I'd better get back to business. I put my cheek on the windmill to scratch it. (I do that because it feels good.) Archy started whispering, "No no no no no," but I didn't know about what.

Archy's chanting got louder and louder. I said to him, "What? I'm just going back to what we were doing before Moms got here!" And then Archy got all uppity and said, "I didn't do anything before Moms got here. I was up here, admonishing you for bad cat behavior."

I said, "WHATEVER. You were watching. I'm tired of being poser cat." I opened my mouth and realized too late why Archy was saying, "No." It didn't matter. I already had done the deed. I HAD BIT THE WINDMILL IN FRONT OF MOMS. Archy hung his head in shame.

Everybody. I am here to say that I have an obsession with plastic. The plastic shower curtain? Chewed to bits. The little milk doo-hickey? I think I might have eaten it for snack. And, while the majority of the Village pieces are hand painted (and, as Moms reminded me, very expensive) houses, the windmill is made out of sweet, sweet plastic.

After this picture was taken, all hell broke loose. I got grounded, Archy fled screaming, "I TOLD HIM NO!!!!," and Moms inspected the windmill and figured out (I don't know how) that I'd been chewing it for a while now. (Something about teeth marks....)

So. I am blogging to say that I am sorry for chewing the windmill. Will I do it again? Yeah, probably tomorrow when my tummy gets rumbly. But I'm only grounded today. Why? Tomorrow is me and Archy's 11th Birthday!!! Dads said that's like a get-out-of-jail-free card, but he "highly suggested" that I don't chew the windmill in front of Moms (or Dads, for that matter) any more.

Your pal, JDamn-OUT!