Fans - I AM BACK!

Fans - I AM BACK! It is me, JohnJohn and boy, do I have stories to tell! Lots has happened since my last blog entry. The biggest change is that our raccoon, Bandit, isn't a boy. Bandit is a girl. And Bandit has five babies. They are so cute. They run around our yard, tumbling over each other and eat lots and lots of corn and kibble from the critter kibbler. I don't have any pictures of them because they only come out to play at night but believe me - they're so cute that you want to eat them. We also got baby turkeys. They're little mouthfuls of beauty.
Oh, my Moms had a baby too. Remember that bump in her stomach that I used to rest my head on? The thing that was in there came out. We didn't know if it was going to be a boy thing or a girl thing. I pulled Dads aside one day before the tot arrived and told him that I was worried it would be a girl thing. I told him girl things were eewy and icky. Then Dads told me something I did not know: Moms is a girl thing. MOMS IS A GIRL. I just thought she was my Moms. After I learned that, I said a girl thing would be ok.

Well. The tot came out and it was a boy. HURRAH FOR A BOY! Moms and Dads were in the hospital for a whole week. First the tot did not want to come out, so the doctors had to make it come out. Then Moms got wicked sick after the baby came out, so she had to stay there to get better. (Don't worry, Moms is ok now.) Then the tot came home. By the way, the tot has a name. It is Nathan Robert - Nathan because they liked the name and Robert because that is my Hawaiian Bampy's name.

Anyhow, we call him Nate. So. Nate came home. Do you know what Nate does? He makes noise. He sleeps in short bursts and in weird positions, like the "don't shoot" position. See?
All this noise and lack of prolonged sleep for everyone in the household made all of us tired. When Nate sleeps, he does look peaceful. So, when Nate was napping, Archy thought he would too - and he'd try out Nate's sleeping position while he was at it.
Archy reported that this position is not conducive to a cat's body and can cause painful joints when arising. So much for trying things Nate's way.

Anyhow. This tot - I mean, my little brother Nate - can't do much. He can holler and sleep (we've covered that already) but folks - he can't poo or pee in the litterbox. Instead, he wears something called a diaper. (Gross.) He can't bathe himself. Instead, he has to wait for Moms and Dads to put him in the EVIL BATHTUB on a special day designated as "Bath Day." He doesn't eat kibbles or wet food or treats or random bugs that got into the house. Instead, he drinks milk. No chewing. Just drinking. I hear that I'm supposed to like milk but Moms and Dads won't let me try it because some vet said that it will give me some sort of condition that will make me need to wear a pamper and eewie I do not want to wear a pamper thank you very much.

Nate can sometimes be cute though. This one day, he called me over. He said, "Hey, JohnJohn! I want to petchew and give you snuggles!"
Not being someone to pass up a good snuggle, I went over to sniff Nate. (Thankfully, his diaper was clean.) I didn't let him touch me though - we're still working on trust issues - so Nate said, "JohnJohn! Do you want to dance? Let's dance!"
The kid started to dance around and giggle. He was kind of cute until, well, he shook himself up too much and tossed his cookies.
I don't ever want to hear Moms and Dads complain about my furballs again because this kid throws up - A LOT. Ok. So he doesn't throw up that much anymore, but in the beginning, his vomiting could only be described as spectacular.

I have come to like my brother. (We're still working on love.) I can be fiercely protective of him though. He has this funny seat that he gets chained into and Moms had to leave him alone in it while she went to the bathroom. WELL. I don't know much but I don't think babies should ever be left alone. So I turned on my laser vision (in case I had to take someone down) and watched the bambino as he slept. Luckily, I did not need to take anyone down.
JDamn fans, I want to reassure you that this blog will not become the "Blog of Nate." He can go get his own blog if he wants one. I still have grand adventures and have lots of stories about our wildlife's adventures too. But I did feel obligated to write about my new brother's arrival. And, ok. He's cute. And I kinda love him.

That being said, there will also be some stories about Nate on this blog so I'll leave you with this teaser about my next entry. There once was my brother Nate and a lobstah....Your pal, JD

PS - If you are Auntie Pam, email Moms and tell her what your new email address is, ok? OK!