Fur and No Fur

Hi, JDarn fans!!! For a while now, I've been hacking up furballs. Well. It is summer and that is the traditional time for a cat to shed fur. Being a portly cat, I have a lot of fur to shed and, obsessed with being clean, I've ingested a lot of that fur. I've gotten creative with my furball hacking. Sometimes I leave it on the carpet, sometimes on the wood floor. Sometimes I leave it in the pathway to the kitchen where Moms will step in it in the middle of the night and sometimes I am polite and leave it on the paper covering the floor in the now-gutted dining room.

Regardless of how much (or how little) Moms brushes me, I still hack up the furballs. Additionally, I've taken to licking my stomach. First it started as a dare from Archy Cat. He said, "Hey, John. Bet you can't lick your stomach." And I said, "Oh yeah? Why? Because I'm portly?" And Archy said, "No. Just BECAUSE." Well. Such an inane response made me mad so I said, "Oh yeah? WATCH." And I licked my belly. It's now become an obsession. I like to lick it ALL THE TIME. Even some of the fur has fallen out. What gives?

I got worried about my bald belly a few weeks ago, and started licking my belly in front of Moms and Dads to, you know, alert them to the problem and see if I could get them to order me some Rogaine. Instead, Dads jumped to the extreme and said, "Oh dear. We need to take John to the VET."

Holy crap. The VET. No. I was hoping to get some over-the-counter hair growth medicine but instead Dads talking about putting me in the CAR! and taking me to the vet. So I stopped licking my belly and looked up at Dads. He said, "Yes. The VET." Then he launched into a huge lecture about my brother Nate and how he goes to the baby vet every two months and gets poked every time and I'm like, "I DO NOT CARE. I have to go to the catpartment. NOW."

Friday night, everyone went to bed. I stayed up and roamed the house. Lo and behold - a fabulous mauve colored cat cave had appeared in the romper room! What a perfect place to nestle in and sleep! Well. The sun came up, which brought Saturday (also known as Caturday around here). Dads woke up, came downstairs and saw me in the cat cave and said, "Good boy, John!" He then LOCKED ME IN. Dammit. It was the cat carrier.

Dads took me to the vet. There was swatting, hissing and growling in the car, at the vet, and on the way home. At the vet, I got weighed. I am a svelt 19 pounds. Dads asked the vet if I needed to lose more weight. She said, "Well. He's a big boy. He's ok." I liked this lady. Just a little bit though.

Dads then told her about my furball hacking and my tummy licking. GUESS WHAT, EVERYBODY?!? I have a tummy ache! A perpetual tummy ache! And she said that I have something in common with my little brother Nate! See, Nate sucks on things to self-soothe. Apparently, I lick my tummy to self-soothe too! The solution? Well. I'm on medicine now. For at least three months. What kind of medicine, you ask? That's right. I've become the new Kitty Activia spokesperson, because I now have a three month prescription for it. It goes in my food. I eat it and my tummy feels better, I guess. Sing it with me now, folks..."Act-tiv-eeee-AHHHH!"

The end.

Your pal,
JohnJohn